My Goodbye, for you

Yes, I've been hurt a lot. But still, the pain I feel is unfamiliar. It's like my heart was never broken before, but it did. A lot of times. So I wasn't expecting to feel a different kind of pain. A hurt I just want to end, but I know wouldn't. I guess it's the hope that's making it unbearable. Hoping and dreaming that this is just temporary, that he'll return and everything will be ok. But it's not. I know for a fact that it won't happen, but my damn heart can't stop hoping. No matter how much I convince myself that it's over, a part of me, somewhere hidden behind the mask I'm wearing, I'm hoping it isn't. 

I'm good at pretending. Everything is fine, nothing affects me. But this time, I didn't bother. It damn hurts and no amount of pretending could change that. I allowed myself to cry, until I couldn't no more. Unfortunately, it seems like my body has too much tears to cry and I can't seem to use everything. It just keeps coming and coming. 1 Tear for a single message I thought would be from him, 2 tears for the songs that reminds me of him, 3 tears for some lines I hear that I once heard from him, 4 tears for some food I know he'll love, 5 tears for the calls I never got, 6 tears for his family I'll surely miss, 7 tears for the places we went to, 8 tears to the places we planned to go to, 9 tears to the events I wish to share with him still, 10 tears for the gifts from him I still use, 11 tears for the jealousy, 12 tears for all the sweet lines he said, 13 tears for the last goodbye, 14 tears for the reasons why it ended, 15 tears for the fear of losing a friend, 16 tears for the memories and everything that reminds me of him, and thousand tears for realizing that everything is really over and gone.

I want to go to the time when I can look back and no more tears, reminiscing and all I'll do is smile. I want to go to that time when we're not hurting anymore. But I can't reach it yet, it's too far, it's something I couldn't see yet. Honestly, I'm tired of hurting, but I know it's natural. It has been good between the two of us, and saying goodbye is not that easy, at least for me. But I understand why it has to be this way, I understand it in my own way. So I guess I'll just have to accept it, say goodbye and move on.. in my own way. #dramamuch

Blog Tour ~ Open Heart by Emily Chand

My Review

Honestly, I was disappointed with how this story went. Farsighted has a potential and in this book, Simmi blew everything! The story is not anymore about something, it's all about Simmi, Simmi and Simmi. I've never read such a self-centered character as much as Simmi is. She's so self-conscious leading to her sickness, her love life and everything. The story was lost, the powers of the main characters were put in the backseat as Simmi goes on and on about herself. Such a waste of space, when there are other things that the story could focus on. 

First, she goes pretending she loves her boyfriend, then goes cheating on her. Then, she couldn't have the guts to face the consequences and just blame everything to her boyfriend. Aargh! I was really on the point of putting the book down, but I need to finish it to have my review. And in the end, sad to say, I was hoping for a redeeming move from Simmi, but I didn't. Instead, she used her newly acquired power to put everyone against their will.  

I don't want to further this review, I might say inappropriate things that could harm the blog tour, but I hope you feel where I'm getting at. This is a two star for me.

Juliet by Ann Fortier

Summary from Goodreads

Of all the great love stories ever told, hers is perhaps the most famous. To me, she is the key to my family's fate. To you, she is Juliet.

When Julie Jacobs leaves for Italy per the instructions of her late aunt's will, she never imagines that she'll be thrust into a centuries-old feud, not to mention one of the most legendary romances of all time. However, as she uncovers the story of her ancestor, Giulietta, whose love for a man named Romeo proved ill-fated, Julie finds herself increasingly under threat, and can't help but feel that the past and present are very much connected. Juliet is a gripping historical novel of great passion and scope from a remarkable debut author. 
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8586842-juliet

My Review

Who would have thought Romeo and Juliet could be more exciting than it is. Honestly speaking, I have never read Romeo and Juliet fully. Just watched some movies, summary and reviews. But this book really got me intrigued. A Romeo and Juliet version with a twist. I find myself enjoying the story more than the original Romeo and Juliet. Who wouldn't?! An epic love story added the touch of mystery, curses, magic, history, treasure hunting and reincarnation. Totally my cup of tea! This book won't let me rest a bit from thinking what's really happening. Everywhere, there's a mystery and every scenes are twists that keeps surprising me. To say I'm enjoying the story is an understatement.

The writing style is formal, yet simple and easy to understand. It's very detailed leaving me little space for imagination. It works for me since the setting is in Siena which is really foreign to me. But while reading, it doesn't feel like it. It's like I'm really there seeing the scene in Giullietta Tolomei's eyes. I also love the characters. It's not about good guys vs bad guys. Though there are really the bad guys, the story is focused on the battle between names. That is, Tolomei vs. Santini. 

The characters are intriguing. First of all, There's Juliet, so how come I cannot see Romeo?? ah ah... That's something you need to find out :p On the other hand, Giullietta's character is so contradicting. She seems good, she hates Janice for her words and tactfulness, but there are times that she's worse than Janice. It's just she's not saying her thoughts out loud.

What I enjoyed the most is the alternating story between the past and the present. Between the original Romeo and Giullietta to the present Romeo and Giullietta. The story is heartbreaking and at the same time fulfilling! And when past and present collides??? Wow! Really! This story is really cool! I never thought I'll enjoy Romeo and Juliet story like I did here.

One black Rose 3 ~ Autumn by Maddy Edwards

Summary from Goodreads

As summer trickles into fall, Autumn is forced to confront the choices that she and Holt have made - or been forced to make. Now they must stand together to face the forces that are trying to tear them apart. Against family opposition, imprisonment, and physical danger, their bond will be tested. 

Will Samuel stand next to her through everything? 

Will she and Holt come through unscathed, or will they be ripped apart forever? And how will the opposition of Mrs. Cheshire and Logan Roth play out? 

Autumn, Holt, and Samuel will face their biggest test yet. And Autumn will finally have her Rose. http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13504898-autumn

My Review

Oh my! Holt and Autumn are so much in trouble! Now that Autumn is in transition of being a fairy, you would think everything is now fine and danydy. That finally, Autumn and and Holt will now have their happy ever after. But with Mrs. Cheshire alive, that will not be possible! In fact, it's just the beginning of another suffering in Holt and Autumn's love story.

I got a bit frustrated in this story. I never had the chance to see Autumn and Holt really together. As in together. It was mentioned that they are almost married since Holt had reserved his one black rose to Autumn, thus making her a fairy. But the problem is, I never saw (or read) them being inlove. It was just implied that they do, but I never had the chance to see them happy together, sweet together and professing their undying love for each other. I'm not asking for cheesy lines but I was looking for something... a proof that they really love each other-- moments when they're together. I don't know if you understand where I'm getting at. But you see, these two have the "you and me against the world" thing but I just can't feel the love that pushes them to fight.

Autumn has been such a selfish person throughout this book. All she could ever think about is that she and Holt should be together. She doesn't care if others are hurting or in grave danger. As long as she's with Holt, she doesn't care about anything else. It's all about her, her and her! Which is really annoying. To think that Holt is suffering and she's almost flirting with Samuel or enjoying herself in a party, it's just so weird. A mother lost his sons, a mother willing to kill the supposed-to-be future queen of his son, a woman who'll do everything for her family are all put behind because of the selfishness of Autumn. There's a bigger picture inside the story but it only focused on how Autumn wanted to be with Holt no matter what.

I really love the story so it hurts to say those words. It has really the potential of being a great story, but somehow the story got misled. With all its flaws, this is such a good story. This book made me cry in the end. Sad that I didn't had the chance to know more about Holt. Irritated on all the missed opportunities that I should know more about him, how great his love for Autumn and what's going on inside his head. Same goes for Samuel. I just wished I grew to know them more before it ended. 

One Black Rose 2 ~ August by Maddy Edwards

Summary from Goodreads

Autumn hasn't even begun to deal with the fallout from the Solstice Party when she is dealt another blow, courtesy of the one person she is starting to trust above all others: Holt Roth himself.

Now she’s left to enjoy the rest of her summer on her own. Alone, that is, until something sinister washes up on the shores of Castleton. Autumn doesn't know what’s going on, but it soon becomes clear that her life is in danger and the Fairies, led by Samuel, will have to come together to help her, whether she likes it or not. http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13156364-august

My Review

Finally! I got a hold of this book. I've been searching for this for a long time. It's not really a famous series, but I just can't stop until I finally know what happen to Autumn, Holt and Samuel.

I mentioned before that One Black Rose is so similar on Twilight Saga. Well, except for the fairies of course, but the happenings in the book was so much alike Twilight. And this is still my claim for this book. Book 2 means New Moon. And what's that? Yep! Holt is gone. :( I'm dreading the read once I found out that Holt left Castleton to keep Autumn and his family safe from the brooding war-- the war that could be caused by Holt and Autumn's feelings for each other. Though it's sad not to read a lot about Holt (I missed him as well !) there are lot of things happening that could occupy my mind. Like the water sprite, the mystery of Samuel and Susan, Nick and Carley and lots of things. Sadly, Autumn just can't stop feeling blue without Holt which almost got in my nerve...almost!

Although the love triangle surrounding Autumn, Holt and Samuel was not that strong in book 1 because of the assured words of Autumn that it's Holt that she loves, here in book 2, doubt is starting to creep on me. There's really something between Samuel and Autumn. How could they not?! They're the one supposed to be together! But I didn't had the chance to know Samuel much. The story is more focused on what's going on around the characters that the characters themselves are left behind. I wasn't able to get through the characters, no specific details about them, reasons behind their actions and who they really are. For example, Samuel. Throughout the book, he's been there for Autumn, protecting and and caring for her. You'll know he's feeling something about her. But you'll never have the chance to explore that thought, because Samuel seems always far away, fay away from your grasp to fully understand him. All we know is that he's always there to save Autumn. Then there's Susan. She's nice, yes. That's given. But that's all, we never have the chance  to know what her actions are all about. Then there's Holt. She loves Autumn, ready to face war just to be with her. But I want to know more how much she loves her. I never had the chance :( But that's ok. Because at some part, it adds to the mystery to keep us reader going.

I love the ending. I love how the story went and what happened. But I feel like it's vague, lacking of details. The whole story is vague actually. I'm so loving the story that it doesn't bother me, but this book has a great potential that if the words and writings are improved more, it would be such a greater book as it is.

Unravel Me by Tahereh Mafi

Summary from Goodreads

tick

tick

tick

tick

tick

it's almost

time for war.

Juliette has escaped to Omega Point. It is a place for people like her—people with gifts—and it is also the headquarters of the rebel resistance.

She's finally free from The Reestablishment, free from their plan to use her as a weapon, and free to love Adam. But Juliette will never be free from her lethal touch.

Or from Warner, who wants Juliette more than she ever thought possible.

In this exhilarating sequel to Shatter Me, Juliette has to make life-changing decisions between what she wants and what she thinks is right. Decisions that might involve choosing between her heart—and Adam's life. http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13104080-unravel-me

My Review

This book got me tired. There was no second of dullness in this story.

This book is overloaded with emotions, anticipation, excitement, nervousness, hotness, drama and every strong emotions you could think of! If you found shatter me full packed, you'll change your mind. This book put Shatter Me into a relaxing story. Seriously! I literally can't sleep until I finish it!

There were times I just wanted to rip my head of with everything that's happening! Ms. Mafi is unforgivable to her readers. She's just not satisfied for the readers to be heartbroken with what's going on between Adam and Juliette, she also needs to make the readers fear for Juliette and other characters with everything that's happening. Juliette's choice in loving Adam afar is really heartbreaking. I know it's the reason why I'm just so excited to flip on the next page even before finishing the current page. There are times that I'm hating Juliette on what she's doing. My heart is breaking for Adam! What is wrong with you Juliette???!! But a part of me can't blame her, for someone like her who never experienced being touch, temptation is far greater. But still... Aargh!

This book just make me realize how we forget the importance of a simple touch. With Juliette whose touch is deadly, a simple hug and holding hands could put me into mush! Really?! I want to laugh at myself when I feel the tears coming everytime Juliette is being hugged, touch or even being tap in the shoulder.

But what I love most in this book is that it's not a big cliff hanger.

There are books that makes me sleepless at night until i get a hold of the next book.  The ending would make you satisfied for now, but still, would make the reader put the next book immediately in their to-do list. With all the emotions I felt throughout this book, I just can't handle a major cliffhanger. So I'm really grateful there! ;p

Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi

Summary from Goodreads

Juliette hasn't touched anyone in exactly 264 days.

The last time she did, it was an accident, but The Reestablishment locked her up for murder. No one knows why Juliette’s touch is fatal. As long as she doesn't hurt anyone else, no one really cares. The world is too busy crumbling to pieces to pay attention to a 17-year-old girl. Diseases are destroying the population, food is hard to find, birds don’t fly anymore, and the clouds are the wrong color.

The Reestablishment said their way was the only way to fix things, so they threw Juliette in a cell. Now so many people are dead that the survivors are whispering war– and The Reestablishment has changed its mind. Maybe Juliette is more than a tortured soul stuffed into a poisonous body. Maybe she’s exactly what they need right now.

Juliette has to make a choice: Be a weapon. Or be a warrior. http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10429045-shatter-me

My Review

This book always has the pull on me. Ever since I saw its cover, I know I have to read it. But a lot of things came in my way.  An ebook bug, and my super busy schedule that I can't get into the book store to buy it. So when finally I had my chance, I just grabbed it and went straight to pay  for it. And boy! Did I regret every missed chances I had on reading this. Why did I just read it just now?! I'm putting this on my shelves along with Delirium series and Divergent Series. I'm starting to become a fan of dystopian books. They don't fail in entertaining me. I could list loads of books that I love, but this is "Shatter Me's" moment.

Praise to Ms. Tahere Mafi for writing such an amazing story. Full of emotions, heart stopping, mind blowing and addictive. I literally can't put the book down once I started opening the book. This books takes you away in the real world and be captivated to Juliette's world. All her emotions are so real and contagious. I could feel the fear and paranoia myself. Her guilt on what her "disease" can do breaks my heart for her. While reading, you could feel how broken she is and I just want to comfort her myself. I enjoyed how the story was written-- in Juliette's POV like she's writing in her notebook, and those scratched out lines that makes you give a better perspective on the confusion, denial and fear of Juliette.

I'm a bit confuse with the days though. She said she's been in the prison cell for 200 plus days, then she said she was taken when she was 7 years old, then there's the murder when she was 14 year old. I don't know if I'm not just paying that much attention, but I got really confused on this. I wanted to retrace everything, but I'm too anxious to know what happened next that I can't afford to do it! haha

I'm so happy that there's Adam. (I can't tell much about him without giving some spoilers so I'm really sorry) Adam is not that too swoony like other famous male lead (but I'm not saying he isn't as well!) but you could just feel how perfect he is for Juliette. Ms. Mafi has a natural way of putting words together that everytime there's Adam, it's like I'm seeing him myself -- his grin, his posture and protectiveness towards Juliette. A girl that faced so much suffering deserves a man that would make her feel the way Adam does to her. the girl deserves a break you know! 

A lot of interesting characters as well. It gives room to explore a lot of other things other than focus everything on Juliette and Adam. It kept the boredom away (not that it's boring!). Warner is one of those character. Yup, he's the bad guy. But there's something in him that keeps me from hating him that much. I think Juliette is also seeing that but denying it. Kenji is also one, I just feel there's a bigger role he's going to play in the next book. And there's James whom I instantly fell in love with. He's such adorable, I want to have a younger brother just like him.

I have still some questions, but I know I've just read the beginning of it. I could fell the bigger picture; the greater story that;s lingering behind this book. Oh boy! I'm on my second book now, just stopped for awhile to make this review. Got to go now! Fast!